December 30, 2008, Hot & Sunny
I felt the three things simultaneously today. Totally lost of direction and been stressed by many issues. Career, family, financial, relationship and mentally-esteem. this make me feel how unable am I in this realistic environment. Or it is just an illusion, self-demand till stress or felt envy to the wonderful weddings i been attended lately?
frankly speaking, the wonderful wedding i attended lately,especially sheena's wedding, make some impact on my freedom first and late-wed concept. I start to think of settle down to form a family, or at least a person there to share my life. This time the feeling is so strong than any other period before. maybe is really suitable for me to look for a permanent partner, instead of trying around. However, I feel difficult to find the partner that can really share my mind, my feelings and thought, although my non-abstract requirement been set lower and lower. Some good friends can really match my abstract requirement, but sadly they all are not available anymore. sometime i feel regret of not getting a permanent partner earlier, so we can develop our values, thought, and exposure together instead of seeking a new.
friendship!!.... i must admit that my life consist of great variety of friends. and today i saw the real side of some selfish and bad friends. I felt that they are not sincerely committed while I committed so faithfully to them. They asking returns for some small thing that i ask them. besides, they even oftenly tease me for somethings that i weaker than them. come on, be mature and grown. we not child anymore that can fool people around, be gentlement. maybe I should really re-consider the level of our relationship. certainly, I will not committed so much in the friendship anymore. just be a normal friend is good enough for them, and for me!!.....
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