I just completed read this book titled 50 Facts That Should Change the World by Jessica Williams. It's very instersting, inspiring and surprising. The world seem to be civilised well, but the brutalities are everywhere in every country, every ethnics, religions, races and skin colors. What make us didn't really noticed about the brutalities are we situated in the preference side of the inequality. I just list out the table of contents of the book, however, it already shows the inferiority of some, or I can said majority population that whith minority concern.
1. The average Japanase women can expect to live to be 84. The average Botswanan will reach just 39. <-- this is what the difference between rich and poor countries.
2. A third of the world's obese people live in the developing world. <-- I can considered one of them
3. The US and Britain have the highest teen pregnancy rates in the developed world.
4. China has 44 million missing women.
5. Brazil has more Avon ladies than the members of its armed services. <-- Not surprise as Brazil has tonnes of tonnes of beutiful girls
6. Eight-one percent of the world's executions in 2002 took place in just three countries: China, Iran and the USA.
7. British supermarkets know more about their consumers than the British government does. <-- Just from the things you bought
8. Every cow in the European Union is subsidised by $2.50 a day. That's more than what 75 percent of the Africans have to live on. <-- The cows are definitely have a better life than most Africans
9. In more than 70 countries, same-sex relationships are illegal. In nine countries, the penalty is dealth.
10. One in five of the world's people live on less than $1 a day. <-- Sad, Sad, Sad.....
11. More than 12,000 women are killed in Russia as a result of domestic voilence.
12. In 2003, 15 million Americans had some form of plastic surgery.
13. Landmines kill or maim at least one person every hour. <-- Sad, sad, sad.... I saw some victims in Combodia before, it's really heart-breaking....
14. There are 44 million child labourers in India. <-- maybe their life will be better with work
15. People in industrialised countries eat between six and seven kilograms of food additives every year. <-- ..............
16. The golfer Tiger Woods is the world's highest-paid sportsman. He earns $78 million a year - or $148 every second. <-- this become an issue when Tiger Woods is paid $55,000 a day to wear Nike caps while a Thai worker is paid an average of $4 a day to make them.
17. Seven million American women and 1 million American men suffer from an eating disorder.
18. Nearly half of British fifteen year olds have tried illegal drugs and nearly a quarter are regular cigarette smokers.
19. There are 67,000 people employed in the lobbying industry in Washington DC - 125 for each elected member of Congress. <-- whoever unemployed can consider this industry...
20. Cars kill two people every minute. <-- What's the traffic laws for??
21. Since 1977, there have been more than 90,000 acts of violence and disruption at abortion clinics in North America.
22. More people can identify the golden arches of McDonalds than the Christian cross. <-- Maybe they tend to convert into 'McDonaldian'... haha...
23. In Kenya, bribery payments make up a third of the average household budget. <-- luckily this don't happen here
24. The world's trade in illegal drugs is estimated to be worth around $400 billion - about the same as the world's legal pharmeceutical industry. <-- who interested to start business in this industry can contact me.... =D
25. A third of Americans believe aliens have landed on the Earth.
26. More than 150 countries use torture. <-- I am certainly sure that Malaysia is one of them, so better don't convict any crime.
27. Everyday, one in five of the world's population - some 800 million people - go hungry. <-- Sad, sad, sad,.........
28. Black man born in the US today stand a one in thre chance of going to jail.
29. A third of world's population is at war.
30. The world's oil reserves could be exhausted by 2040. <-- Bad future for Malaysian
31. Eighty-two percent of the world's smokers live in developing countries.
32. More than 70 percent of the world's population have never heard a dial tone. <-- This really surprise me!!....
33. A quarter of the world's armed conflicts of recent years have involved a struggle for natural resources. <-- Normal, do you really think they fight for their conscienses?
34. Some 30 million people in Africa are HIV-positive. <-- Use durex la, please.
35. Ten languages die out every year.
36. More people die each year from suicide than in all the world's armed conflicts. <-- Really?
37. Every week, an everage of 88 children are expelled from American schools for bringing a gun to class. <-- Why they have so many guns?
38. There are at least 300,000 prisoners of conscience in the world. <-- ISA lo
39. Two million girls and women are subjected to female genital mutilation each year. <-- I first known of this activity and very surprise that someone are practising
40. There are 300,000 child soldiers fighting in conflicts around the world. <-- This definitely worse than child labour
41. Nearly 26 million people voted in the 2001 British General Election. More than 32 million votes were cast in the first season of Pop Idol.
42. America spends $10 billion on pronography every year - the same amount it spends on foreign aid. <-- Should be good new for guy?
43. In 2003, the US spent $396 billion on its military. This is 33 times the combined military spending of the seven 'rogue states'. <-- I think the US government now sure regret of the use of the money
44. There are 27 million slaves in the world today. <-- There is one in my house =D
45. Americans discard 2.5 million plastic bottles every hour. That's enough bottles to reach all the way to the moon every three weeks. <-- I highlighted it cause I am very environmental conscious.
46. The average urban Briton is caught on camera up to 300 times a day.
47. Some 120,000 women and girls are trafficked into Western Europe every year.
48. A kiwi fruit flown from New Zealand to Britain emits five times its own weight in greenhouse gases. <-- That's why the oil exhausting so fast.
49. The US owes the United Stated of Nations more than $1 billion in unpaid dues. <-- understandable in current situation
50. Children living in poverty are three times more likely to suffer a mental illness than children from wealthy families. <-- .........
This book I brought accidentally while I hanging in Popular with a quite cheap price. However I found that it is a very good book. It's really open my sight to the real world issues.
After completed this book, I realised that this book are published in 2004. Some information might be out-lated, but the concern should rised our awareness because most of the issues still happening now.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Appreaciating!!....
March 26, 2009, 12.47am Hot and sunny
My boss, and yup, also my father, not around since Sunday, and will return on Friday noon. These few days I become temporary boss. although I decided to quit from his business, but I need to take care the business as he not around. further more, today some minor 'accident' happened, and luckily I am there. hopefully this minor 'accident' will help create some awareness in his managing style.
frankly, up to today, I haven't really plan for my future career, whether continue in my father business or throw myself in the labour market. after he been scolded by me, his attitude obviously has some changes, but sustainable or not is still questionable. If he really willing to change, I might stay and help to develop the company as it still has a lot of potential to grow and earn money. haiz, besides that, working in a family business has more pressure, stress and responsibilities despite the happiness that others might seem. if success, they seem us as inheriting the career from older generation, while if fail, we are losing all our ancestor effors, although my family business just started from my parent.
Today i went to bank to TT my maid wages as told by my mother before she went for vacation with my father. she send RM2K back and converted near to IDR6M. my maid very happy with this amount of money. hai... she work for 2 years and only get around RM8k, after the sucking blood agent take much commisions from her. and they still can become wealthy in her hometown with that amount of money. then i start thinking of my 'luxury' living style compare to her. RM8k, sometimes just r my spending for a month or two while others can really benefit from that money. my today review case (1).
Review case (2): i reading on a book titled '50 facts that should change the world'. and today i read on the chapter of '80 millions people goes hungry a day'. this make me think again. this book is a very nice book. I shall share here soon after i finish it.
The third case is on another book titled [目送] by long yin-tai from taiwan. I finished this book today for the very sentimental last two chapters. The last two chapters describe the living and interaction between the writer and her father during the old days till death of her father. from the healthy old driving man, to silent, then self-locked up, stroke, hospitalised and death. is extremely touching and sentimental. I nearly cry by the description and the interactions. the pen from a sharp and aggressive political and current issue commentor can produce a so soft, touching, family-oriented passages. the book is definitely worth the title of '2008 best non-fiction chinese' book.
Today is full with sentimental after i lose for a few days in poker. but really, the 3 cases are certainly need my depth consideration. and another side case, i just make my friend angry by asking her a term. really sorry ya... i really not mean it... cheers!... =D
My boss, and yup, also my father, not around since Sunday, and will return on Friday noon. These few days I become temporary boss. although I decided to quit from his business, but I need to take care the business as he not around. further more, today some minor 'accident' happened, and luckily I am there. hopefully this minor 'accident' will help create some awareness in his managing style.
frankly, up to today, I haven't really plan for my future career, whether continue in my father business or throw myself in the labour market. after he been scolded by me, his attitude obviously has some changes, but sustainable or not is still questionable. If he really willing to change, I might stay and help to develop the company as it still has a lot of potential to grow and earn money. haiz, besides that, working in a family business has more pressure, stress and responsibilities despite the happiness that others might seem. if success, they seem us as inheriting the career from older generation, while if fail, we are losing all our ancestor effors, although my family business just started from my parent.
Today i went to bank to TT my maid wages as told by my mother before she went for vacation with my father. she send RM2K back and converted near to IDR6M. my maid very happy with this amount of money. hai... she work for 2 years and only get around RM8k, after the sucking blood agent take much commisions from her. and they still can become wealthy in her hometown with that amount of money. then i start thinking of my 'luxury' living style compare to her. RM8k, sometimes just r my spending for a month or two while others can really benefit from that money. my today review case (1).
Review case (2): i reading on a book titled '50 facts that should change the world'. and today i read on the chapter of '80 millions people goes hungry a day'. this make me think again. this book is a very nice book. I shall share here soon after i finish it.
The third case is on another book titled [目送] by long yin-tai from taiwan. I finished this book today for the very sentimental last two chapters. The last two chapters describe the living and interaction between the writer and her father during the old days till death of her father. from the healthy old driving man, to silent, then self-locked up, stroke, hospitalised and death. is extremely touching and sentimental. I nearly cry by the description and the interactions. the pen from a sharp and aggressive political and current issue commentor can produce a so soft, touching, family-oriented passages. the book is definitely worth the title of '2008 best non-fiction chinese' book.
Today is full with sentimental after i lose for a few days in poker. but really, the 3 cases are certainly need my depth consideration. and another side case, i just make my friend angry by asking her a term. really sorry ya... i really not mean it... cheers!... =D
Christina Aguilera - A Voice Within
Title: A Voice Within
Artist: Christina Aguilera
Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within Yeah...
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
* try to look into the lyric, is very meanigful and encouraging.
I try to highlight the nice part, but I ending up highlighting almost all, cos it's really nice. so I just leave it black back.
Artist: Christina Aguilera
Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly
When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within Yeah...
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you
When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
* try to look into the lyric, is very meanigful and encouraging.
I try to highlight the nice part, but I ending up highlighting almost all, cos it's really nice. so I just leave it black back.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
孙燕姿 - 同类
A very nice sentimental song and meaningful lyric. so bad for those that can't read chinese.
孙燕姿 - 同类
作词：易家扬
作曲：李偲菘
专辑：Stefanie
雨后的城市
寂寞又狼狈
路边的座位
它空着在等谁
我拉住时间
它却不理会
有没有别人
跟我一样很想被安慰
风 停了又吹
我忽然想起谁
天 亮了又黑
我过了好几岁
心 暖了又灰
世界
有时候孤单的很需要另一个同类
爱 收了又给
我们都不太完美
梦 作了又碎
我们有几次机会 去追
我拉住时间
它却不理会
有没有别人
跟我一样很想被安慰
风 停了又吹
我忽然想起谁
天 亮了又黑
我过了好几岁
心 暖了又灰
世界
有时候孤单的很需要另一个同类
爱 收了又给
我们都不太完美
梦 作了又碎
我们有几次机会 去追
不晓得为甚么爱
又稀少又昂贵
云在半空中
被微风剪碎
回忆也许美
可是正在飞走对不对
suddenly i realised most of my friend that know my blog don't know how to read chinese =(
sad sad sad... have some similarity with the lyric...
孙燕姿 - 同类
作词：易家扬
作曲：李偲菘
专辑：Stefanie
雨后的城市
寂寞又狼狈
路边的座位
它空着在等谁
我拉住时间
它却不理会
有没有别人
跟我一样很想被安慰
风 停了又吹
我忽然想起谁
天 亮了又黑
我过了好几岁
心 暖了又灰
世界
有时候孤单的很需要另一个同类
爱 收了又给
我们都不太完美
梦 作了又碎
我们有几次机会 去追
我拉住时间
它却不理会
有没有别人
跟我一样很想被安慰
风 停了又吹
我忽然想起谁
天 亮了又黑
我过了好几岁
心 暖了又灰
世界
有时候孤单的很需要另一个同类
爱 收了又给
我们都不太完美
梦 作了又碎
我们有几次机会 去追
不晓得为甚么爱
又稀少又昂贵
云在半空中
被微风剪碎
回忆也许美
可是正在飞走对不对
suddenly i realised most of my friend that know my blog don't know how to read chinese =(
sad sad sad... have some similarity with the lyric...
Another Tiring Day
March 19, 2009 Sunny, Tired
today was an another tiring day. yesterday nite arrived home at 4.30am and slept at 6, while woke up at 9am to work. just able to steal a nap around 4pm. though nothing much to do today, but really don't have concentration and dedication to work. =( i can expect a sleepless nite later cos if i nap at noon, i hardly sleep at nite. even with alcohol. i always wondering y alcohol can't improve my sleep, but make me can't sleep well. =( so less alcohol, no caffeine anymore. i try lo...
after had some argument wif my boss, i really feel lot of relief these few days. my mood and emotion become extremely good. and felt that i have more flexibility in my future. although somehow i can expect i'll in this industry or come back to this family business, one day, but it certainly won't be the same as the previous. at least more command power and influence in this traditional-managed business. for others are hardly to imagine that a bank priority banking customer that having such unsatisfy career situation. =P
talk about the priority banking, yesterday i received a call from an ex-UOB customer services officer. she previously called to my office for business and i attended her and just intro her a little sum of insurance policy. tat's like 2 years ago. and suddenly she called me yesterday and said that she shifted to hong leong bank as their priority customer officer and try to get some business from me, esp in the unit trust investment. i told her that im alr hong leong pb and she check my account and said that my money in fixed deposit won't make good return and ask me to invest the money in unit trust. cheh, i been hong leong pb for many years and those such stupid unit trust cost my mother and me quite an amount of money. u think i'll throw more money for ur commision? diu... then she ask me to re-finance my house. another diu, my house left 3 yrs++ then will fully paid, refinance for wat o, wan me tight longer with this financial trap mie.
I don't know y these day the bank train their staff to be so realistic? can't be more customer-oriented that all the business approaches practised? come-on, go and discover wat i wan from bank, instead of just keep pushing me something that is not my interest or seduce me with the 'potential' return just because for ur commission. diu... almost every 2 days then got banker or credit card ppl call and approach some stupid and not necessary things. just fired those ppl, cut cost and reduce the finance charge of the customer la.... make me now damn 'boiling; only...
don't say that alr la... make my mood become bad... i make appointment to wash face tmr... with my cousin.. haha.... new facial spa, hopefully won't make me disappointed... =D
today was an another tiring day. yesterday nite arrived home at 4.30am and slept at 6, while woke up at 9am to work. just able to steal a nap around 4pm. though nothing much to do today, but really don't have concentration and dedication to work. =( i can expect a sleepless nite later cos if i nap at noon, i hardly sleep at nite. even with alcohol. i always wondering y alcohol can't improve my sleep, but make me can't sleep well. =( so less alcohol, no caffeine anymore. i try lo...
after had some argument wif my boss, i really feel lot of relief these few days. my mood and emotion become extremely good. and felt that i have more flexibility in my future. although somehow i can expect i'll in this industry or come back to this family business, one day, but it certainly won't be the same as the previous. at least more command power and influence in this traditional-managed business. for others are hardly to imagine that a bank priority banking customer that having such unsatisfy career situation. =P
talk about the priority banking, yesterday i received a call from an ex-UOB customer services officer. she previously called to my office for business and i attended her and just intro her a little sum of insurance policy. tat's like 2 years ago. and suddenly she called me yesterday and said that she shifted to hong leong bank as their priority customer officer and try to get some business from me, esp in the unit trust investment. i told her that im alr hong leong pb and she check my account and said that my money in fixed deposit won't make good return and ask me to invest the money in unit trust. cheh, i been hong leong pb for many years and those such stupid unit trust cost my mother and me quite an amount of money. u think i'll throw more money for ur commision? diu... then she ask me to re-finance my house. another diu, my house left 3 yrs++ then will fully paid, refinance for wat o, wan me tight longer with this financial trap mie.
I don't know y these day the bank train their staff to be so realistic? can't be more customer-oriented that all the business approaches practised? come-on, go and discover wat i wan from bank, instead of just keep pushing me something that is not my interest or seduce me with the 'potential' return just because for ur commission. diu... almost every 2 days then got banker or credit card ppl call and approach some stupid and not necessary things. just fired those ppl, cut cost and reduce the finance charge of the customer la.... make me now damn 'boiling; only...
don't say that alr la... make my mood become bad... i make appointment to wash face tmr... with my cousin.. haha.... new facial spa, hopefully won't make me disappointed... =D
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Fresh Day.... Fresh Start.... =D
March 15, 2009, Morning, Sunny
After a very good, undisturded, clear sleep yesterday. sun shine in my room very strong, yet the shining is very refreshing and comfortable, can sense that the air is been life up. I feel fresh, without headache, eye is good, feeling very comfortable. maybe after a week of bad, short and uncomfortable sleeping, the body become very weak. after the refreshing sleep, the energy have been recharged, strong enough to power up and create momentum to go further. =D
the feeling of freshness is the best. especially the body and mind are in a bad condition for quite a period.
this is maybe why i like the study life before. no stress, sleep early, wake up early. everyday in fresh and good condition, prepare to go school to study and of course for fun, seem like the sorrow and despair can very easily been forget.
life, is tough, yet still goes on; is uncertain, yet creating surprise very oftenly; is cruel, yet warmnest are everyway around; is short, yet fascinating; is complicated, yet can be extemely simple.
After a very good, undisturded, clear sleep yesterday. sun shine in my room very strong, yet the shining is very refreshing and comfortable, can sense that the air is been life up. I feel fresh, without headache, eye is good, feeling very comfortable. maybe after a week of bad, short and uncomfortable sleeping, the body become very weak. after the refreshing sleep, the energy have been recharged, strong enough to power up and create momentum to go further. =D
the feeling of freshness is the best. especially the body and mind are in a bad condition for quite a period.
this is maybe why i like the study life before. no stress, sleep early, wake up early. everyday in fresh and good condition, prepare to go school to study and of course for fun, seem like the sorrow and despair can very easily been forget.
life, is tough, yet still goes on; is uncertain, yet creating surprise very oftenly; is cruel, yet warmnest are everyway around; is short, yet fascinating; is complicated, yet can be extemely simple.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
i'm out!!... with no looking back!!!....
March 13, 2009 Sunny
Today my mood is in a extremely bad condition, unspokable, silent but yet extremely bad tempered. cos to the bad attitude from my boss and also my father. I see no future in this career under his control. although now is in a very bad economic period, but i choose to become unemployed. frustration? uncertain? or simply despair? or is the combination of this? Don't ask, I really don't know, and really don't like to speak out, just like my normal attitude. But, in fact, I really want to cry, alone, when I am driving or laying down at bed, alone.
Beyonce's Listen had sang out so true for me:
Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete
Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release
Oh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed inside and turned
Into your own all cause you won't listen
Listen, I am alone at a crossroad
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried to say
What's on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I've gonna find my own
This happened for quite a period and I realised it. Nothing changed. and yet all have beed pressured up by more noise, argument, and complaints from the family. The feeling of 'I'm not home in my own home' is building up days by days. I have a perspective that remain silent and not make much noise can provide a good 'home' environment for member to live on. but really, this is totally wrong. It's end up with what's going wrong might get worse and what remains silent will get deeper in trouble.
A quote from long yin-tai, famous writer and commentor from Taiwan:
家，一不小心就变成一个没有温暖，只有压迫的地方。外面的世界固然荒凉，但是家却可以更寒冷。一个人固然寂寞，两个人孤灯下无言相对却可以更寂寞。
Home, unconsciously will become a place without warmest, and a place only with pressure. The world outside although is cold, but home can be even colder. A single person can be lonely, but two person under the light without any words can be more lonely
Is this what I found the best to describe in my mind? or it triggerred the feeling from the bottom of my heart? anyway, this feeling is terrible and very scary, worse than challenges and hurt from the outside world. you can simply leave and fight in the outside world, but what can you do in a family? blood-bond, can be constrastly, in very good and also in very bad.
I really felt that my career or work I doing now, sorry is just previously, really show no satisfaction and sense of success, nor good exposure and return. what in return might be greater financial debts, higher frustrations, despair, pressure and disappointments. I definitely choose for the wrong way for the past 5 years.
this period appear few times in my mind to leave this world, or reality. never before in my life. and I found that I have the exact symptom. y this world is so cold, unconcerning me and yet pressure me and so demanding from me and yet paying back with cruelty. where is God, from any religion will do??... who writing or creating the man destiny??... or karma??... what life means for??.... what is mean by hope, future??.... who knows?? who can provide me an answer??...
now, I am out, totally out!!... with no regrets and no looking back. I more willing to suffer the cold from the outside world rather than the cold inside the 'home'...
hey friend, don't ask and pursue me to speak... u know i won't... just let me drink and aneathetize myself, at least for a moment, or until the world change back!!!....
Today my mood is in a extremely bad condition, unspokable, silent but yet extremely bad tempered. cos to the bad attitude from my boss and also my father. I see no future in this career under his control. although now is in a very bad economic period, but i choose to become unemployed. frustration? uncertain? or simply despair? or is the combination of this? Don't ask, I really don't know, and really don't like to speak out, just like my normal attitude. But, in fact, I really want to cry, alone, when I am driving or laying down at bed, alone.
Beyonce's Listen had sang out so true for me:
Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete
Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release
Oh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed inside and turned
Into your own all cause you won't listen
Listen, I am alone at a crossroad
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried to say
What's on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I've gonna find my own
This happened for quite a period and I realised it. Nothing changed. and yet all have beed pressured up by more noise, argument, and complaints from the family. The feeling of 'I'm not home in my own home' is building up days by days. I have a perspective that remain silent and not make much noise can provide a good 'home' environment for member to live on. but really, this is totally wrong. It's end up with what's going wrong might get worse and what remains silent will get deeper in trouble.
A quote from long yin-tai, famous writer and commentor from Taiwan:
家，一不小心就变成一个没有温暖，只有压迫的地方。外面的世界固然荒凉，但是家却可以更寒冷。一个人固然寂寞，两个人孤灯下无言相对却可以更寂寞。
Home, unconsciously will become a place without warmest, and a place only with pressure. The world outside although is cold, but home can be even colder. A single person can be lonely, but two person under the light without any words can be more lonely
Is this what I found the best to describe in my mind? or it triggerred the feeling from the bottom of my heart? anyway, this feeling is terrible and very scary, worse than challenges and hurt from the outside world. you can simply leave and fight in the outside world, but what can you do in a family? blood-bond, can be constrastly, in very good and also in very bad.
I really felt that my career or work I doing now, sorry is just previously, really show no satisfaction and sense of success, nor good exposure and return. what in return might be greater financial debts, higher frustrations, despair, pressure and disappointments. I definitely choose for the wrong way for the past 5 years.
this period appear few times in my mind to leave this world, or reality. never before in my life. and I found that I have the exact symptom. y this world is so cold, unconcerning me and yet pressure me and so demanding from me and yet paying back with cruelty. where is God, from any religion will do??... who writing or creating the man destiny??... or karma??... what life means for??.... what is mean by hope, future??.... who knows?? who can provide me an answer??...
now, I am out, totally out!!... with no regrets and no looking back. I more willing to suffer the cold from the outside world rather than the cold inside the 'home'...
hey friend, don't ask and pursue me to speak... u know i won't... just let me drink and aneathetize myself, at least for a moment, or until the world change back!!!....
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